I love a drunk

I started this because too often I find myself feeling alone and scared. I wanted somewhere to go and talk that is not judgemental or threatened by the fact that I'm scared and most of the time don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've been in a relationship with a drunk for over 20 years and have now decided that I don't want to live with it and don't want my kids to have to live with it anymore. So he's gone and now I'm even more scared because I don't know how to behave without him (or is it just without a man) in my life. I'm depressed despite the very best prescription anti-depressants in the world. I'm afraid that I can't function on my own although essentially I've been functioning on my own in a lot more stress my entire life. I am finishing my bachelors degree in August and would love to move across the country to someplace warm and restart my life, but I'm afraid I'll fail, I'm afraid I can't do it alone, because I've never done anything alone before. I'm not courageous, although people have told me I must be extremely courageous to have lived with him as long as I did. I feel like a failure, like I've given up, but people say that I should have left long before. I don't know what to think, except I'm scared and want to get better and have a better life on my terms.